Broken Elevators and Bruised Tails.

Okay. So I’m over from the States and I’m staying in this apartment. Of course ‘cause I’m a mermaid I use a wheelchair to get around, but the dumb ass apartment chick stuck me up on the 5^th floor. There’s an elevator though so I said sure okay I’ll stay on the 5^th floor.

 Last night I got real comfortable on the arm chair and settled down to watch a movie. I put my tail in the fish tank to soak it and had myself a stiff drink. So I’m sitting there all restful when the power cuts out. Not good. I got a tail full of fish and I can’t see shit. I manage to hop across the room, grab a tea towel and get an early night, but I bash my fin on a coffee table by mistake ‘cause the powers down. So. I try and sleep but I’m pissed that my fin is now gonna have to be bandaged in the morning.

It’s midnight and the fire alarm goes. “Fine I’ll take the elevator” I think, but then I see the dumb ass sign saying IN THE EVENT OF FIRE DO NOT USE LIFT. USE STAIRS. So I have the indignity of a security guard carrying me down the stairs like a baby when I’m old enough to be his great grandmother.

Out in the porch I sit in a chair and wait for the all clear. Whaddaya know, no fire, just some fast food joint who shares the alarm, tripping the switch.

So we all traipse back upstairs. Except I don’t ‘cause the elevator’s broke. So I’m stuck in the hall waiting for an elevator engineer to come out. They’re 24 hour though right? So I think, sure what’s the problem, wait 30minutes then back in bed. Nope. 2am in the morning and they still aint arrived. Me and the security guard can’t get ‘em over here so I’m stuck.

In the end I sleep in the car. Yeah I drive; I’ve got an adapted car. What you never heard of hand controls?  I wake up at 6am exhausted, scared (there’s a tramp staring at me through the window) and cold. What’s worse is that my tail is seriously dehydrated and there’s sure to be a trip to the Royal Infirmary. Great. That’s all I need. I wait until 10.00am for the elevator to be fixed and what apology do I get? Jack shit. In the words of the Ambassador, “Edinburgh, with this Disability Discrimination Act you are really spoiling us”.